How To Get What You Want in Divorce Mediation
Divorce mediation is most successful when both spouses are willing to participate. The process can be more time consuming than the typical divorce, but it’s a good option for couples that want an easy and cooperative way to end their marriage. Unlike other forms of divorcing, in which decisions about how assets will be divided or child custody are made by a judge, the couple in divorce mediation can work out these details themselves.
In order to be successful with this process, you’ll need to take an active role in developing a solution that both of you are happy with. You should also meet outside of your court-ordered times so as not to come into any contact or communication about the process.
If you want to know how much all this will cost, it can be hard to say because the prices vary depending on where in the United States you live. However, typically divorce mediation costs about $3000-$5000 per couple for a one-year agreement or roughly half that if each spouse hires their own mediator and does not use a mediator jointly.
Know what you want
You need to be clear about your goals for the divorce process before entering mediation. It is important that both sides are on board with what they want and have a unified vision of how things will work out.
Otherwise, it can lead to more conflict because one person may feel like their needs are being ignored or taken advantage of before you go.
Mediation is a process that is designed to help people figure out how to make decisions and come up with solutions for disagreements. It works because it gets the two sides talking about what they want, which can be helpful when both parties are committed to reaching an agreement without litigation or more court proceedings. However, if one side has no interest in reaching an agreement, mediation might not be the right process for them.
Be prepared to compromise
Be prepared to compromise when you go to divorce mediation. This is where the two of you will work out a plan that both parties can live with, and it’s important to understand how this process works so that everyone feels like they have had their needs met going into the meeting.
The mediator will be working mainly for fairness , not for your specific needs, so you’ll have to figure out how much is negotiable. The mediator will also want the two of you to be working together in order to reach a compromise agreement on behalf of both parties and then decide who will take care of any children or other dependents while trying to balance work schedules.
The best way for you is to try and figure out what has made your relationship great, even when it was going through hard times.
Stay calm and don't let emotions get the best of you
Staying calm can be hard when you have just been told about your impending divorce. Whether this is a good thing or bad, it will still affect how you react to the news. You need to take things one step at a time and try not to let emotions get in the way of what really matters – getting what YOU want out of the divorce.
Start by identifying what you want and need out of the split. There will be some things that are deal breakers for one party or another, but don’t underestimate how flexible people can be when they know their needs will still be met in other ways. You may have to consider accepting less than ideal terms initially, but it could be worth it when you get to what matters most.
Next, come up with a realistic plan for getting your needs met in this negotiation phase. Obviously, the best-case scenario is if both parties can agree on everything – but that’s unlikely because nobody has all of their priorities straight from day one. You may need to go back and forth for a while before you come to terms.
Make sure that your plan is measurable- this will make it easier for you and the mediator to keep track of progress – but also clearly define what constitutes “success.” It could be something as simple as coming up with a fair compromise, or even just admitting when one party isn’t willing to meet the other’s needs.
Finally, be aware of your opponent’s interests and priorities as well – you may not get what you want if it doesn’t benefit them too.
Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself
Know what your goals are in advance and make sure they’re realistic; don’t try to get more than you deserve because it will just lead to an unsatisfying outcome, which could have been avoided by being clear from the beginning about your needs and desires
Be realistic about what you’re asking for; if the other party is being stubborn, be prepared to compromise or else it could lead to an unnecessarily lengthy mediation
Don’t make the other party feel like they have to give in; if you’re not getting what you want, it might be a good time to reconsider your goals and expectations
Be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster: people deal with divorce differently, so don’t take anything personally when one of the parties gets emotional or angry
Do not make threats or ultimatums ; it’s a waste of breath and energy to demand something that you don’t have the power to enforce, and nobody wants to be blackmailed into an agreement.
Keep a positive attitude throughout the process, even if it's difficult at times
Stay open to considering your spouse’s needs and perspectives as well, not just your own. This can help you both come up with a plan that will work best for the two of you.
Take time to listen and really hear what is being said by your partner instead of predicting an argument ahead of time or making assumptions about what they’re going to say.
Remember that there is no “one size fits all” solution and we can work together to come up with a plan tailored for your specific needs. You will have input into the decisions about living arrangements, parenting strategies, financials, etc.
We help couples realize their dream of a peaceful, stress-free divorce.
Make sure both parties are on the same page before they start mediation sessions
Meet with the mediator to discuss what you want and come up with a list of goals. Have realistic expectations about what meditation can do for your case. Divorce mediation is not always successful, but it may be right in some cases. Be flexible in how you approach this process because there are many ways divorce negotiation can go.
Be prepared for the possibility that you may not be able to reach an agreement. Divorce mediation is a long process, and many cases go unfinished because of this. If your case does not seem like it will move forward, consult with someone else who specializes in these matters or seek out another form of conflict resolution, such as litigation.
Focus on what you want. Divorce mediation is a process where all parties must take responsibility for their own needs and be honest about what they want from the other person. Divorce mediation can be an effective way to reach a settlement, but only if you are able to set aside your emotions and focus on what is best for you.
Divorce negotiation does not always work out in the end, so it’s crucial that both parties know their strengths and weaknesses before they start talking with one another.
Learn how to communicate effectively and avoid conflict during the negotiation process
It’s not uncommon for divorce mediation to become an emotionally charged process. Divorce is stressful and it can be difficult to keep your frustration in check when you’re feeling ornery on a given day. Here are some tips that might help:
- Remember the goal of the negotiation is mutual agreement, so always remember that there needs to be a compromise
- Keep the focus on what’s best for each of you, rather than your own wants and needs
- If emotions are running high, take a break before continuing with negotiation or let an outside mediator come in to help mediate if things go badly. Divorce mediation should be about finding solutions that work for both people involved.
- Remember that negotiations can be emotional and not get to the point where everything is black or white. There are many gray areas in divorce, so make sure you’re open for discussion on a number of different topics
The mediation process may seem like an easy way out by avoiding trial proceedings, but it’s important understand how this option works before jumping into a decision.